How Family Mediation Works in England and What It Costs
What family mediation actually involves
Mediation is a structured conversation between separating couples, guided by a trained, accredited mediator who does not take sides and does not give legal advice. Since April 2011, anyone applying to court for most private family orders must first attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM), unless an exemption applies — domestic abuse, child protection concerns, or urgent cases among them. The MIAM usually lasts around 45 minutes and can be held separately if a joint session would be unsafe or unproductive.
Most mediations in England run for one to three sessions of 90 minutes, spaced a few weeks apart. A growing share happen by video call, which suits parents living in different towns. The mediator will produce an open summary of any proposals you reach, and that document can later be turned into a consent order by a solicitor — the summary itself is not legally binding.
Courts take a dim view of one party refusing mediation without good reason. Under the Family Procedure Rules, judges can consider such refusal when deciding who pays costs, so a reasoned willingness to try carries weight even when talks fail.
The subjects mediation is designed to settle
Money and children are handled in different ways, and it helps to know which you are discussing before you book a session.
Children and arrangements
Sessions on children typically cover the living and contact pattern week by week, including school holidays and Christmas, handover times and locations, decisions about schooling and medical treatment, and how new partners are introduced. Mediators push for specifics: "alternate weekends" often collapses the first time a birthday falls on the wrong Friday. For families in the north east, a common pattern is parents living one in South Shields and one in North Shields, where crossing the Tyne for a midweek tea-time handover is manageable but a school-night trip to Sunderland is not.
Property, pensions and maintenance
Financial mediation looks at the equity in the former home and whether one party can buy the other out, mortgage capacity, savings, pensions — including any NHS pension, which needs a cash equivalent transfer value before it can be fairly divided — and spousal or child maintenance. The mediator will not value assets or draft a settlement; each party is expected to take independent legal advice at key points.
Using a mediation template to prepare
A mediation template is not a legal document and cannot bind anyone. It is a preparation sheet that saves paid session time by getting facts and positions on paper first. Many mediators and solicitors supply one; if yours does not, build your own.
A useful template covers: a one-page chronology of the relationship and separation dates; a household budget for the last 12 months and a projected budget for the next; a list of assets and liabilities with account numbers and rough values; your priorities ranked honestly; and the two or three outcomes you could live with. Bringing a completed template to the first session can cut the number of meetings by one, which at £120 to £200 per person per hour is a real saving.
The template also protects you. People who arrive unprepared tend to agree to figures in the room and regret them later. Writing down your bottom line beforehand makes it far easier to say "I'll think about that" rather than "yes".
Costs, solicitors and the limits of the process
A MIAM costs roughly £90 to £150 per person. A joint mediation session is typically £100 to £250 per hour in total, split between you, though regional rates vary — expect lower figures in parts of Cumbria or East Yorkshire and higher ones in central London. Legal aid remains available for mediation in England for those who qualify, covering the MIAM and sessions, and a legal aid mediator can be found through the Family Mediation Council directory. Legal aid for representation in court is far harder to obtain.
Solicitors still matter. A family law solicitor will review any proposed settlement, explain the pension and tax consequences, and draft the consent order that gives the agreement effect. Some firms near Newcastle and Gateshead run hybrid models: mediation for the negotiations, limited-scope advice between sessions. This often costs far less than two sets of lawyers writing letters at each other at £250 an hour.
Know when to stop. Mediation is unsuitable where there has been coercive control, where one party hides assets, or where a serious power imbalance makes free agreement impossible. In those cases the MIAM exemption route to court is the right one, and a solicitor can advise on it quickly.